BikeCurious
by Passion Scarlett
Summary: Kyle has something he needs to tell Stan. Stan jumps to conclusions. Rated for mild language.


**This is just a short, silly, badly written one-shot that you probably shouldn't take too seriously – it was written for my own amusement and posted in case it brought _you _amusement too. It won't make any sort of sense if you haven't seen the episode it pertains to, so if you find your confused in the end, just go watch episode "The F Word" - season 13, episode 12 - when you are done reading (and if you even give a shit).**

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**"Hey Stan? I need to talk to you for a second…"

"Sure, dude. What's up?"

"…nothing. Never mind. Forget it."

"Um, okay."

Awkward silence.

"Um, Stan?"

"Kyle, if you need to tell me something, just spit it out, dude."

"Well, I _do _want to tell you, but I just don't know how you'll react."

Stan's eyebrows shot up to his hairline, and he glanced away from the TV screen to scrutinize his best friend carefully. "What is it?"

Kyle bit his lip and stared determinedly at the TV, his shoulders hunched in tense embarrassment. Stan could tell by his posture that he was feeling extremely awkward, and Stan's hackles started to rise. Kyle was one of the most strait-forward people he knew – if he was _this _hesitant about telling him something, than whatever that something was could not be good.

"Hey," Stan said. "Look at me, dude." When Kyle glanced back over at him, Stan had fully faced him and put down the Gamesphere controller, fixing his curious eyes on the nervous boy. "Super best friends, remember?"

Kyle sighed. "Yeah. Super best friends. It's just…" He started to ring his hands in a fashion remarkably reminiscent of Butters. "I'm just a little…I _really _want to tell you, I have for a long time, but I'm just scared of what you'll say." He sounded queasy. "I mean, _I _sure didn't see it coming, but I've come to realize it in the last few months, and it's a big enough part of me where you should know, so…I should really just spit it out…"

Stan's stomach had flipped, starting to feel apprehensive butterflies. The doom and gloom in Kyle's voice were making alarms go off his head, warning him that something big and potentially life-changing was about to come out of his best friends mouth. He was suddenly not too sure he wanted to know what Kyle had to say.

Kyle continued to ramble, voice growing more confident with each word he uttered. "I mean, it's not that big of a deal, I suppose. You're open-minded and everything, and you'll be my best friend no matter what, and I _really _want to tell you before Cartman finds out and tries to get the school to ostracize me. Which they probably will, but I'd be find as long as I had you by my side, and who really _cares _what that fatass thinks! He already thinks the worst of me anyway."

Stan laughed nervously, trying to ignore his inkling suspicions. "Dude," he chuckled forcefully, wanting to put his fear to rest, because _of course _Kyle's wasn't… "You sound like your trying to tell me your…" When Kyle fell silent and didn't say anything, the bottom of Stan's stomach dropped. "…you're _not, _right?"

When Kyle remained silent for five whole minutes, silently confirming Stan's fears by refusing to look at him, Stan slumped back in his couch. "Oh my god."

Kyle flinched. "You're okay with it, right?"

Instead of answering, Stan demanded, "How long have you known?"

"Only a week. I've had a suspicion that I might be…you know… for a few months, but I wasn't certain. But now…yeah." Kyle took a deep, shuddering breath. "I'm pretty sure."

"That's…that's…" Stan didn't really know what he wanted to say. He didn't want to be a dick to Kyle or anything, but he _really _hadn't expected that. "Are you sure you're not just curious, or confused? This could just be a temporary phase you're going through." Stan didn't miss the wounded look that had entered Kyle's eyes, but he was too shocked to really care how unfeeling his words were.

"_Yes,_" Kyle bit out."I'm not just confused, and it's not a phase. I talked to Butter's about it, because he's the only guy my age I know who is too, and he gave me the courage to come and talk to you about it because I was _so scared _about how you'd react. He said that you were my best friend, and wouldn't think any worse of me for it because that's just the great kind of guy you are! And _now _you're being a dick about it, you asshole."

"I'm not being a dick or an asshole!" Stan protested. "I'm just kinda surprised! I mean, it's kind of unexpected. I know Butters is and everything – jeez, _everyone _knows – but he's _Butters! _You're _Kyle! _How could we not know this about you, you know? I mean, are you _positive _about this?_" _Stan felt like, maybe if he kept asking, Kyle would change his mind. Not that he was intolerant of differences, but, like he had said, it _was _rather unexpected.

"Pretty positive," Kyle snapped, eyes gleaming. "Listen, I understand that this is probably hard for you to accept all in one go like this, but I really hope that you can be here for me and support me. I know that I'm not just confused – I've looked around in some magazines, and I liked it_. All of it. "_

"Jesus Christ, dude," Stan winced in horror. "I don't want to hear that! I _really _don't need those images in my head!"

Kyle laughed, the angry expression leaking from his face. "That's the worst of it, really. I mean, I guess you could technically say I'm only _curious – _I haven't had the chance to get any real world experience. Magazines and the internet are my forte. I just really needed to tell you, dude, so that I could start exploring my options without feeling weird around you." He was starting to sound giddy and gushy.

Stan rolled his eyes. "I really hope you don't start talking in that funny way they do – then I might have to put my foot down. Or if you start dressing up in leather."

Kyle punched him in the arm, grinning brightly from relief and amusement. "Dude, that's a stereotype. I _defy _stereotypes. Did you know I'm Jewish?" he quipped.

"No way." Stan relaxed and grabbed onto the game sphere controller so he could resume his game. "Listen Kyle. I'm okay with all of this, alright? I accept you for who you are. Though, seriously, no leather or else I'll kick your ass. Got it?"

Kyle laughed, grabbing another controller so he could join in on the Gamesphere game. "Got it. Man, this is such a relief. You reacted a lot better than I thought you would."

"How did you think I'd react? I'm your best friend, dude!" Stan protested. "Give me some credit!"

"Well, considering how much the Harley-riders bothered you when they came though South Park, I figured it would be much more violent."

Stan froze. "Harley-riders?" he said slowly.

"Well, yeah. You really despised those guys – fuck, everyone did, even me – and I figured me being bike-curious would really disgust you, since they were such annoying, loud-assed fags. They _did _where leather almost exclusively, didn't they? It was kind of disturbing, but you can ride a Harley without leather. It _is _less safe, if I get in an accident, though, because leather protects you from getting your skin burned off…"

Stan raised a hand slowly, causing Kyle to trail off in confusion. "We're talking about you being _bike-curious?_" he enunciated levelly.

Kyle looked confused. "Well, yeah. What did you _think _we were talking about?"

"…I thought we were talking about you being gay."

Silence.

"Excuse me?" For his credit, Kyle sounded truly surprised, rather than offended or angry.

"Well yeah. I thought you were…coming out of the closet…"

More silence. Much more awkward this time.

When Kyle continued to gape at him in horror and disbelief, Stan rubbed the back of his neck nervously. "Not that I think you're gay or anything, but c'mon, you were talking about it being a big part of you, and – and not knowing it until recently, and…Butters, and talking funny, and…magazines…"

"_Harley Magazine!" _Kyle shrieked suddenly. Stan winced. "Not _gay pornography!" _Stan hunched away from his indignant and, apparently, bike-curious friend. "Dude, you thought I was talking about being _gay? _Weak!"

He felt decidedly stupid right now. "Well, this has been the misunderstandment of the century…" Stan muttered. Then what Kyle had said hit him.

"Wait – you're _bike-curious?" _


End file.
